I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
