weddingsv make me drug and hornr
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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