One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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