Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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