but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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