see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
