Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
