I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
