Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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