Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
