I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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