dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wish life had little blips of pornography
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
