Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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