I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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