She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
