made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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