i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
