Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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