you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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