I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
