Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
