I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
