he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
