I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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