i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
