mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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