would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
