I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No...this little piggys going to the bar
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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