I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
