I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
