Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
this hospital has no fireball
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
His nipple licking is glorious
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