Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
you made out with another girl for some wings
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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