are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
