Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
