Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
