My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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