I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
