Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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