when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
