I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
