also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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