we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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