Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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