i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
