Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
