i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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