Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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