When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
