Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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