for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
