we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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