Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize