i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize