I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
did i just pee glitter
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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