Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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