I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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