What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My vagina is very pro this idea
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