Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
