I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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