How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
