I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
