I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
