checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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