This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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