You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The maid of honor just puked.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The power of my boobs compel you
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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