Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
