Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
