I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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