i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
