WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize