You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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